seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
