My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
