and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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