I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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