Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
