Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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