i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
