Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
