Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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