Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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