I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
