Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
