New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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