It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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