Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so much tequila, so little girl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize