Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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