grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
