dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
