I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
