the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Pooping to opera.
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