You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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