I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish I could teleport
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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