I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
