last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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