I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
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ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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