Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
