why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
