The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
