I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
