i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
