i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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