dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
