Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
