I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
