I can tuck mytits in my pants
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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