she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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