Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
