I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
