the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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