Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
