respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
