My first STD was from a foam party
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
