You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
