the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
