So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
