cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
