Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
