apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i think im in europe. pls send help
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
