My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
well you can't waste a boner
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
