I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
