Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
