I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
