You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
