i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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