Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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