How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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