I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
