Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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