So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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