Yo dont text me then not text me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize