the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
