We got so high we made milksteak
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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