I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
