Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
