My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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