what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
