i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sick fucks of a feather flock together
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
