I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
